She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
