there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
