DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
