She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
