Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
