what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
