Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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