he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
