I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
