Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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