I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
