Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
