Don't you send me to vm
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
