she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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