Hey man sorry I got all grabby
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
