did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
