Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
