The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
