their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
