OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
