garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My Higher Power is John Stamos
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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