don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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