Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
