Did I show you my penis last night?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
