oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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