He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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