I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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