dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
