Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I supernannyed him into submission
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
