listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
