I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
