Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
