Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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