I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
