Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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