omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My penis needs a shock collar
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
