there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
