Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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