In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
try to milk me bitch
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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