My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
