I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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