sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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