you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
