Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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