Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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