pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
