there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
