the condom got lost in my hair
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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