True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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