I'm going to jail i love you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
