My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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