you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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