dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
