So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My feet surprised me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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