my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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