Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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