I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
