Screwed.edu
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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