help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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