Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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