I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
