She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
