I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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