I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
my god I love twenty year old dicks
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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