Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
