I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
