I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
