Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
